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I got the greatest surprise in the mail today! the most wonderful poshcat sent me a present from her birthday! And boy howdy don't the Canadian's have funky money! I absolutely love the painting pages and stickers! I so needed it today too. Was having a rather low day and this just totally picked me right up!


So I recently had to switch care provider because mine retired. I am about to have to switch again because the one I have failed to list some of my health issues in my medical records. She said she felt I did not truly have them because I exercised my RIGHT to not take medications I felt were worse then the illness, I.E. I don't take mental health drugs because I can not handle the side effect of being a zombie all the time. She also told me that "No one is allergic to steroids, because our bodies make them." when I told her I was considered allergic to them because of the swift and violent reaction of my body to them. I become aphasic and physically violent. She also did not list that I am allergic to ALL artificial sweeteners even though it is in my previous medical records, because she doesn't feel like sweeteners such as Stevia are artificial and would affect my the way aspartame would. I explained to her that I have lesions on my brain, have had since birth, and that the non-sugar sweeteners cause a chemical imbalance in my brain which cause me to have epileptic like seizures. She said that if I wanted it in her medical records then I would have to go into the hospital and go through tests. My insurance makes me have to pay a copay. I am on government disability. See my problem? Now I am searching for a new health care provider. Oh and she also doesn't believe I need antibiotics because of my teeth, which one can easily see I have one broken completely off at the gum line and 3 more almost completely rotted away. But remember I'm not sick and I don't have any illness and therefor don't need to be on disability... /rant

Jul. 31st, 2012

So I finally find a muse that really makes the juices flow in a creative bent and I realized today that the likelihood that I will ever get to meet this man is unfairly low! I am suffice it to say pissed off!
Okay I put my hand to a quick Man from Uncle slash drabble... Lately I have been enamoured with a certain Russian Agent... hehe... Enjoy.
MUNCLE drabbleCollapse )

awesome song lyrics

This is the song, "Longest Days" by thoushaltnot http://thebeautifulmusic.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/14-Longest-Days.mp3

These are the longest days
I've ever known
Thrown out of my bed
Look at my watch
Too soon

Too much day light leads to
A night life and the fear
Of another day that's going to
Last another four or five years

Now I know how the soul shakes
Do you feel that way too?
Now I know how it all breaks
Do you feel it too?
Do you?

Saw the sorrow in your eyes
And I wanted in
Saw your whole world turning around
And the mess we got ourselves in

It's taken that time to tell
And it's taken it's toll on me
Still I know the hand of love
Was just the hand of the sea
Yes I know it now

Now I know how the soul shakes
Do you feel that way too?
Now I know how it all breaks
Do you feel it too?
Do you?

Now I know how the soul shakes
Do you feel that way too?
Now I know how it all breaks
Are you feeling it too?

There's a gap you can't ignore
When your heart's so far away
The aching and the stretching out
On the rack of another day

Well hope was the worst thing
I could get from anyone
So take these days away
And bring me the shortest one

Now I know how the soul shakes
Do you feel that way too?
Now I know how it all breaks
Are you feeling it too?

Now I know how the soul shakes
Do you feel that way too?
Now I know how it all breaks...


I am trying to find a story I read... fanfic of course where in Dirk Strider rescues then dominates in a good way Jake English... Both characters are of age in the story. Sadly I can not remember who wrote it, where it was posted, or even the name of the story but if this sounds familiar to you please send me a message... Comment screening is on so you don't have to worry about anyone knowing if you read this particular genre.

Feb. 10th, 2012

so I just noticed it is Black History month... again... now don't get me wrong but wasn't it Black History month in October? I thought it was supposed to be EQUAL rights... where is the Irish History month and the Philipino History month and the Russian History month, Muslim History month etc? I mean if Black History month is all about their oppression and pain then explain where the Cherokee History month, Apache History month, Jewish History month is...
My girls, my biological daughter and her wife that is, were talking about some anime (which they do almost nonstop so I tend to tune them out) when one said to the other, "He is so gay for (X character who was also a male)" I looked at them and asked what they ment and when they both said almost at the same time that it ment the he they said first would switch teams for the x character I became confused. I myself am bisexual which means there are women in my past that I have not only found attractive but dated. I began thinking about the ramifications of all forms of sexuality. Was it possible that someone who was straight would 'turn gay' over someone who was gay? and when I say gay I mean gay or lesbian, not just men but women however since I tend to think in one term at a time it's gay for the purpose of this post. Anyway I remembered growing up thinking I was straight, not because that's what my mother taught me because she taught me to be open and loving no matter what someone looked like. I grew up thinking I was straight because I had never found a woman/girl attractive in a sexual way before. When I went off to college I began meeting people who were open and honest in not only their beliefs but their sexual expression. Keeping in mind this was the late 80's early 90's. For me sexual desire starts with my mind not my body. (Horrid childhood experiences) I met one woman who touched my mind, she was the first I had ever found sexually desirable. Does that mean I went gay for her? No it means I was already bisexual I simply hadn't realized it until then. I have no idea how this bares on anything else but I felt I needed to have it out there... just my thoughts...
So I was sitting here reading yet another wonderful Sherlock BBC fanfic. I started thinking about the actors portraying the story, which of course gave me a big grin, but then I got to the comments and started being distracted by the icons. It wasn't any one of the icons exactly that set off this aching hurt in my chest... wishing for things that probably never will happen. The stupid imaginings of a stupid female but it still hurts and I'm not even sure how to begin making it stop hurting... not even sure why it hurts... just acknowledging the hurt I guess...

If I am very luck one day in the future my books will be successful and I'll get to meet the wonderful actors or actresses who inspired each... oh did I mention each book is inspired by a different actor? Usually a specific role each has played. Book 1 The Heart of Dagger was inspired by James Marsters in his role of Spike from first Buffy the Vampire Slayer and then in Angel the Series. Book 2 (wip) A Long Knights Ride is inspired by Benedict Cumberbatch for his role in Sherlock BBC. Book 3 (also a wip) New Guy In Town is inspired by Dule Hill in his role first on West Wing then his role on Psych. Book 5 (not even beyond the idea yet) Silent Knights is inspired by Marlee Matlin for her role in West Wing. yes I'm aware I skipped a book but I had the idea for the book before I had found the actor or actress to inspire it.

That was probably more then anyone wanted to know but hey this is my live journal and my brain so yeah...

Feb. 3rd, 2012

So I have finally found a wonderful english person, perrie , willing to answer my questions on culture for my new book and I am embarrassed to say I can't think of a single coherent question.... just figures...